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Often, you hear the word “self-care” thrown around a lot after having a baby because you are literally a zombie the first year of having a child. Plus, taking care of yourself is always the last thing on your list and it’s a difficult thing to maintain. There are so many “self-care” routines out there and I’m not gonna lie, I did a blog post about it my first year blogging but behind that post I was still struggling to take care of myself.
I know I was a bit naive about what it meant to take care of myself while pregnant and enjoy my quiet time before having a baby and didn’t know the mental toll it would take on me after years one and two.
So I’ll explain why you NEED to be selfish with your self-care as a mom and my journey on what self-care was like and what it is now in 2022. Because girl… it was HARD!
Self-care before baby
Getting a massage once in a while, going to the movies solo, having brunch with my girlfriends and MANY more other activities were things that I LOVED to do before having my daughter. I still love doing these things but it’s not as often as I would like to.
Before, I was able to do whatever I wanted and didn’t exactly know that these were things that kept me sane and this was the “self-care” that I didn’t realize I took for granted.
I think we can get a sense of that until we have kids and we get older.
Now when I look back I think of the many times I “wasted” (although it wasn’t at the time) and was always trying to move toward the future when I should have appreciated where I was in the moment.
I took for granted going to the spa without having to rush out the door and a toddler screaming my name,
I took for granted the quiet and stillness of taking naps without having to cook for the family or giving my toddler a snack,
I took for granted doing my hair and skin routine in the bathroom without having to rush through a nap time.
And that’s all ok, I’ve learned it’s ok now after 3 years of being a mom to my daughter and realized it’s ok to be at this stage of life.
It’s easier said than done but it was always a challenging thing to accept that my life was different and self-care had to take a back seat for awhile.
But that’s life, things change, we change and although my self-care isn’t the same as it was before, I’ve had to improvise.
Self-care during Pregnancy
Self-care during my pregnancy was rated a 1 out of 10 for effort.
I think when I became pregnant with my daughter I read the classic “What to expect when you’re Expecting” and I studied every page before having my daughter.
I googled many things about pregnancy and how to take care of your baby while in the womb etc.
However, after having my daughter, I noticed there wasn’t much information about taking care of yourself as a pregnant mother-to-be.
Everything was about taking care of the baby and the only thing mentioned was to take your prenatal vitamin and make sure you don’t eat anything crazy for the baby, exercise, blah blah blah…
I made sure I did everything to have a healthy pregnancy and I won’t lie it was very isolating for me in the beginning because you didn’t want to let anyone know you’re pregnant in the beginning due to miscarriages etc. but also realizing as a first time mom, you are creating a life and want to protect it as much as possible.
I felt alone, I honestly felt sad I was pregnant because a lot of my friends didn’t have kids, and thank god I had two friends who got pregnant with me at the same time so I was able to vent to them.
I think I was more caught up in wanting my daughter to be born so I could play and cuddle with her that I forgot to take care of myself.
Self-care during my pregnancy was almost non-existent. I stopped doing the things that made me happy before having my daughter.
I became homesick that I went back to California for two weeks to stay with my parents and didn’t even tell my friends back home that I landed.
I didn’t go out much because I didn’t want to be around people who could possibly bump into me and hurt my kid lol
I did two massages during the time I was pregnant but it wasn’t comfortable since my body was already uncomfortable towards the end of pregnancy.
I stopped exercising in fear I could hurt the baby.
I think I just put this mindset that when you’re pregnant, you have to stay home, bake the kid and be the best mother to be as possible when that’s the worse thing you can do.
I realized I kept a lot of those feelings inside and made it seem like my pregnancy was fun/easy which it somewhat was but mentally it sucked.
I think I should have enjoyed more of the alone time in a more active way before getting super busy of being a mom because phewww!!! Motherhood smacked me in the face the second day of having my daughter!
I definitely suffered mentally after having my baby and wished that someone had told me to enjoy my pregancy without having to rush it when the baby got here.
But again, these are the things that make you stronger and later you have a better understanding of why you go through these situations for a reason.
Self-care now in 2022
Now that my daughter is 3 years old as of 2022, I take my self-care to a whole other level by being selfish with it.
As you’ve read my previous ways of self-care during pregnancy, I REALLY needed to check myself and make this a priority.
I’ve learned to not feel guilty for having to take care of myself first.
This was definitely a process and something that I’ve always done in the past. I sometimes felt like I could be doing “too much” for myself when I should be doing those things anyways so that I can feel happy.
I’m glad I went through PPD and the difficulty of being a mom because I realized I couldn’t put my self-care in the back seat anymore.
Self-care for me isn’t just getting my nails done every two weeks or eyelashes done. These are definitely nice things though but it never fulfilled me.
Self-care shouldn’t have to make you feel guilty that you are spending time away from your child. We should normalize that we want more for our self-care.
I’ve now incorporated a lifestyle for myself to make it easier for my mental health and to put ME first.
Here’s a list of what I do now that make my life a bit much easier.
- I’ve started therapy once a week and it has dramatically helped with my stress and navigating through life. I started with betterhelp.com, you can also get a one week free trial . This was my first time trying therapy in life and so glad that I started it!
- My daughter is now in school so I’m able to do more things at home and get a ton of work done. Plus have day dates with my husband which is a plus.
- I go on solo dates with myself while my daughter is in school too.
- Monthly shopping on items that I really love. I do like to budget but investing my wardrobe is more important to me now.
- I pamper myself with massages or facials at nice hotels and I do it every so often because that’s what I truly enjoy.
- Movie dates with myself.
- Going on a random drives to check out new places in Miami.
- Hiring a house cleaner.
As you can see, I can do a lot of things by myself like solo dates and my husband knows I like to do adventures like that and he’s all for it.
This is just a small list for me, but I had to discover what REALLY made me happy and refer to some things I used to like doing before I had my daughter.
This list is only growing and if you’re on your journey of figuring out what your self-care looks like, try not to compare yours to what other women are doing.
Start figuring out what truly makes you happy even if it’s going out for fancy ice cream once a week or something small.
You deserve to have YOU time and spend time with yourself.
When I started therapy, my therapist asked me who was the most important person in my life and I said my daughter and then my husband…
Then she said nope, it should be YOU first. And that never occurred to me at all since it’s something I’ve always heard in society about loving their spouses or kids first.
It seemed weird to selfishly say I’m supposed to be the most important person next to my daughter but she was right.
She told me if you love yourself first, that love will be poured into everyone you love around you. If you don’t give yourself love then everyone will be affected by it.
She was absolutely right. I was trying to be the mom doing everything for everyone that it started to become an obsession with how everyone else was doing except for me and I started to be resentful.
So now I’m learning to be selfish with my self-care and I write down weekly things that I want to do.
For the moms with little babies, I know it’s difficult to have the self-care time but just know you may have to sacrifice that time for a bit and then start working on yourself as your little one becomes more independent.
I’ve been there and see you Momma!
Maybe hire a cleaning service so that you can have one less daunting task, or have your partner help more while you do something for you. Or create a schedule where the child care is shared on different days. Everyone’s self-care is different.
Also take your time.
This is a process from what I’ve learned in my journey of motherhood and there are many options to add to your self-care routine.
Other ideas to add to your self-care routine:
- Hire a laundry service
- Hire a cleaning service for home.
- Consistent babysitter or nanny to watch the kids
- Find time with your friends
- Start a new hobby
- Create a list of things you want monthly that are non negotiable like getting your nails done, hair done, going to beach etc.
- Meditate (if possible)
- Go shopping at your favorite place
- Read your favorite books that you’ve wanted to complete for the year
- Excercise and make it a goal
- Do absolutely nothing
- Binge watch your favorite shows
So momma, I see you out there holding it down for your family and trying to get the most time for yourself.
Remember it’s ok to take your self-care seriously because you can only give your family the best of you when you take care of yourself too.
Self-care isn’t to be put to the side but should be added to your lifestyle.
So be selfish with it momma, you’ve got this.
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