Tips on Reducing Mom Guilt

 

As a first time mom I’ve had my fair share of mom guilt and I still continue to feel it today. It’s definitely something I try to work on everyday.  

Since becoming a mother, I remember the roller coaster feelings of “Am I doing enough for my daughter?”, “Am I feeding her enough?” , “How come I’m not like those “moms” who have it together right after birth?” and the list goes on.

It’s like a constant nagging feeling wondering if you are doing things right and if you’re doing everything possible. Every decision I make always includes my daughter and always wanting to make the right decision.

I would constantly google everything to make sure if I was teaching her enough and then going down the abyss of never ending questions.

I just want to let you know that you are doing amazing mama.

It’s a natural thing to feel guilty, but what I’ve learned in the last two years of being a mom is that we all have a different way in processing this guilt.

I’ll share with you some tips I’ve learned when dealing with mom guilt and how to reduce it.

Don’t follow social media accounts that make you feel bad.

Seeing other IG moms who make parenting look easy can be difficult, if you’re  the type to be easily saddened or disappointed because you can’t do the same for your child. Please stop. 

Everyone is different when it comes to things like this. It doesn’t mean that you are less than. It’s just that some moms are more crafty than others, can cook well than others, etc. and that’s ok! YOU are a great mommy and have something UNIQUE that you can teach your child. We all have different ways to express our mommy powers and our children love it.

Sheesh I’ve learned that I’m definitely not a crafty person and it’s like pulling teeth with me if I’m trying to do a DIY with my daughter ha! I’m not crafty but I love doing activities with my daughter like coloring, reading etc. and I’ll add my little spin to it.

It’s ALL ok. 

But for your mental health and wanting to feel more of a great mommy, focus on things that make your child happy when you are around them. 

Focus on your child’s strengths and work around from there. Maybe you’ll come up with something that your child can learn more from 🙂 

Follow less social accounts that don’t inspire you or make you feel guilty. I promise it’ll make you feel better. 

I’m sure no one has intentions to make another mother feel less of, we all try to share something unique of ourselves and it may not be for everyone. 

Reduce Comparison

Comparing ourselves to another mom is probably something natural that we all do. Now…. what we do with that comparison energy is another thing. 

There are so many moms out there that fit into different categories and we all get inspired by different types of moms.

However, I know there are some moms who may seem to have it better and naturally we assume….

What we don’t know is behind the photo or the stories etc. We all show what we think people want to see and then we start to create comparison stories in our heads which is ALWAYS a no no.

We don’t know that mothers story, she may be struggling like you and might have it all together on IG. 

Never try to be like someone else because maybe in the end you may not want that person’s life. You should look into the light of what YOU have. Take even the smallest thing and be grateful for it. 

I’ll start with my daughter’s smile, she makes me happy when she’s being silly and says my name “mommy” 🙂

We are all unique and have something to bring to the world. You can admire someone else’s gifts but it’s not fair to treat yourself poorly because you don’t have that person’s gifts. You have your own special gift and can share it with your child.

I promise that when you focus on YOU and give yourself love, it’s the best thing ever. In the end you will realize that what you’ve always wanted to be has always been inside of you. 

Stop the negative self talk

Chileee, I know mom guilt can easily test you! You’ll end up digging in a deeper and deeper hole of “why, what ifs, how come, I should be ”.. And the list goes on. 

I know if you really listen to your heart it will tell you..” Girl its ok!” Your child doesn’t have to be like the kid next door who can do all things at the age of 2! (although I know some of you would like to) 😀

Listen, you are doing the best you can. I’ve also learned after the first year of having my daughter that I don’t have to build a baby Einstein so quickly. 

Breathe, meditate and keep focus on you and your child. It’s difficult to say it but when you practice it intentionally it will work for you. 

I try to meditate every morning and say positive affirmations. I try to add motherhood phrases so that I can constantly repeat the good energy in my head over and over again. 

Because I train my brain to do this, I’ll be more confident in what I do and it will eventually show up in how I do things. 

Ignore the mom shamers because they aint it. 

Mom shaming will definitely take part of the cake for mom guilt smh.

Now I know for a fact mom shaming happens all day everyday. It’s annoying, disrespectful and people who have nothing nice to say about how a parent handles their kids need to mind their business. 

It’s happened to me once when I was at a clothing store. Luna was playing with another child and as the line got longer, more people were in line and she was screaming up a storm.

Then while we were in line another mom was  giving me bad facial expressions and telling my daughter to be quiet. I had to breathe and not throw hands because I wanted to buy my clothes ha! 

This was the first time I really felt like “wow, someone is trying to tell ME what to do with my kid!” Now Luna wasn’t putting herself in danger or ripping the store apart but the fact this lady had the nerve to be rude was beyond me. 

I left the store upset but it had me thinking that in life, there are people who are just genuinely rude and honestly don’t take their projections personally onto yourself. I know the mom guilt was trying to reach me but I didn’t allow it. I directed that energy elsewhere and told myself I am a great mom and my daughter expresses herself as she should.

How that mother disciplines her child is not how I discipline my kid. So other moms who love to run negative talk about other moms can go somewhere. 

Going through situations like this may make you feel bad. You’ll probably run questions in your head like “what if they’re right?” I’m here to tell you they are never right. 

Take that experience and direct the negativity elsewhere. You are above the negativity and so continue to do what’s best for you!

All that matters is the smile on your child’s face

Have you seen a toddler or baby be happy with the smallest things? Yes all the time! It’s because no matter what, they are happy to be around your presence and be amazed with the littlest things!

Again, focus on their gifts and they’ll be happy. They will grow stronger in their own little niche or niches and become the person they truly want to be. They will be happy that you’re present and will enjoy EVERY single moment with you. 

I try to embrace everything my daughter does because it seems like every week she’s learning something new and I can’t take the fact that she’s growing bigger (inserts sad face) 

If we let go of the high expectations for ourselves and our kids I think you will create a life of bliss and happiness. Forcing things never works. Children have abilities that surprises us and they will learn new things at their own pace. 

So remember to look at your babies faces. They love their momma and know you do the best for them 🙂 

You are the best Mommy!

Reducing comparison, crossing out mom shamers, seeing the smile on your babies face, stopping the negative self talk and not following social media accounts that make you feel bad are my tidbits on how to reduce mom guilt. 

Remember, you are the best mommy for your baby. 

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